Searching, Hoping, and Jumping

And I thought going to Ireland for the summer would be difficult.

No, moving to New York is definitely trumping that trip right now. There is no program to call when I have questions and no associate to contact when I arrive in the city. No family will take me in, and no host-mother will cook my dinner for me. Suddenly, Ireland doesn’t seem scary at all.

But moving up north for an undetermined amount of time does.

I’m going to have a hefty rent to maintain and a job (or two) while going to school fulltime. Not to mention I’M LIVING IN NEW YORK. By myself? I need to figure out the subways, and the sketchy streets, and the cheap eats, and the places with the hopping beats, and the cool coffee shops, and where to find the cops, and all the really nifty, non-touristy, New Yorker spots.

Quite a list.

So in June I’ll go up to New York and hopefully find a spot to live. By July I would love to be moved in and August would be the perfect month for the start of a job. In September school starts and by October I hope to be acclimated and moderately content.

Oh if only it were that easy… But that’s the update.

PS – I jumped off of a roof (well dangled and fell off of a roof) the last night of college. A warning to future graduates: I do not regret fulfilling my bucket list YET. But if I have to get an MRI next week, that statement might be retracted. So think twice before you climb the abandoned Hiden Wood Lanes.

Here are some pictures from Graduation I found on my parent's cameras. Note: You will NOT find these pictures on Facebook. This is more of a "behind the scenes" approach...

JR. Wow.

No she didn't... but yes. Those are crocks.

Huh...

All the "Single Ladies." And JR.

Some more of JR's moves. Nices faces in the background.

Being "fun" and "crazzzy."

From just us...

to everyone.

Not really into the ceremony yet...

Lost and lacking friends.

Looks good Grace.

Can you believe we're "adults?"

Beautiful sisters.

And the plans are coming together...

I’ve been bad. There has been a severe lack of blogging in the last several weeks, but my LAST DAYS of college are wrapping up; so busyness must be tolerated.

To all those “what are doing next year” questions that are slug at every graduating senior, I finally have an answer for you. April 12th, 2010 Pace University in New York City accepted me into the Dyson School of Arts to receive my master’s degree in Publishing. Yay!

So if all goes according to plan, mid-summer I’ll be on my way to the Big Apple. And for you blog followers out there, this means you will have something a little bit more interesting to be reading about. I do love you CNU, but the next adventure is calling my name… And an adventure is what I need so I don’t become a sentimental mess as I leave my home of four fabulous years.

So. New York. Get Ready.

PS – Anyone have any tips on how to pay for grad school? Because I’m going to need them. I mean seriously… email me ;)

Current background on my computer

Spring Break 2010 - Newark, NJ - "Community"

“So what do you like about your community?”

If someone were to ask me this question, I would say I love how there are mass amounts of people that surround my everyday life. At 12 and 6pm, I know anywhere from 5 to 25 friends will be eating lunch or dinner in the dining hall on campus. When I enter the Middle House, I know my roommates will be home, ready to discuss the day’s events. Despite recent increases in lack of sleep due to senior projects, I really am happy learning and thriving in an environment where I feel comfortable and safe.

Yes, I am comfortable and safe.

The Middle House girls.

But it’s not hard to feel at ease when you live near the ocean, know your parent’s will still pay for your gas, and are aware that your sole purpose in life right now is to simply “do well” in school. It’s okay to feel content with a situation. Yet, when I visit Newark I am always reminded of the immense amount of blessings in my life… and how agonizing permanent “content-ness” can be.

“So what do you like about your community?” I asked Erica. She was a skinny woman with a mixed ethnicity and a pretty, smooth face. Hanging outside her window in Hyatt Court, she smiled a wide grin, showing her missing teeth.

Two other CNU students and I were down in the projects on our second day in NJ. Our goal was to interview random strangers about what they wanted to see happening in their community. How could Trinity Church help? What were the pros and cons of living in Newark?

My interviewing group with Iain and Kelsey

Erica was the first person that would talk to us. She was the grandmother to a few of the children we knew from the after school program, and was well-respected in Hyatt. But to me, the most prominent feature about Erica were her dazzling green eyes. They looked like pieces of jade marble staring into your mind, and when the sunlight shown on her face I can easily admit they are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

“Well our community don’t kill one another like they do up the street,” she said, still talking to us from inside of her first-floor window. A man named Jamal nodded in agreement. “Yeah… there always killing someone.” He stood beside her window, but was outside of the building, positioned near us. He was a mellow man, and persistently nodded throughout the entirety of our conversation.

Erica continued to speak. “But, no… here? We are kinda like family, ya know? Like everyone’s got everyone’s back, you know? You’re not gonna see him killing him and him killing her… No, we got it good in Hyatt. You know, my mother used to manage this place? Yeah, she used to have all these things for the children. Yeah, but it’s hard. But we’re a family.”

I’m not going to lie.

This took me a little bit by surprise. I couldn’t help but egotistically think, “You got it good? You are living in a freaking hellhole! There are rats, and it’s not safe, and maybe you don’t kill each other but there are gangs and sexual abuse…” The list could go on.

But Erica took pride in her home. She went on to talk more about her mother running Hyatt and the renovations that the city had completed. The halls of the projects had been repainted and traps had been set for the rodents. Erica might not have a beach, or a dining hall, but she was proud of what she did have, and found joy in what I would consider squalor.

She reminded me that my socialization is a lucky one and not the standard. She reminded me that my way is not necessarily better and that evil or ignorance can consume any economic class. She reminded me to not only “count my blessings” but be aware of the less desired and marginalized.

And you would think after four years I would remember this. Fail.

I looked into her sparkling green eyes. Tears were forming and she began to profusely thank us for coming to Newark and asking about her community.

“We need you guys. We NEED you,” she kept saying. “Oh… oh we need you,” a fat tear rolled down her face.

Not really sure what to do next, we finished the interview and asked if we could pray for her. Now, if the situation had been different, I would have laughed out loud. Imagine: three white suburban kids, standing in the middle of the projects, holding the hands of a women who is leaning as far out of a window as she can to grab our hands. Not only are we all stretched in odd positions, but it almost looks as if we are pulling Erica out of her window.

“Thank you… thank you. Thank you for coming,” she said, oblivious of the humorous circumstance.

Well green-eyed Erica. I should thank you for the reminder to continue to broaden my perspectives and extend a hand to those who are not “comfortable” or “safe.” I should remember to be happy where I am, knowledgeable and proactive about others' inequalities, and not dread what is to come. Besides, I've always enjoyed a good adventure...

With the future so unsure as graduation approaches, I hope to be as joyful as Erica in any situation thrown my way.

What will I like about my future community?

One thing I do know: I really do not like rats. Can my future please avoid small rodents of any kind? Thanks...

Lovely squalor, isn't it?

Spring Break 2010 - Newark, NJ - "Contradictions"

I stepped out of my car into the twilight of a chilly New Jersey evening. “Well, hello Newark,” I thought to myself. “It’s been awhile.”

I was facing Trinity Church, and Hawkins Elementary School lay behind me. Vicks Cafe was across the street, and the Hyatt projects were just down the road on the left.

Vic's Cafe - Best coffee ever

Trinity Reformed Church

Hawkins Elementary School

Hyatt Projects

Surprisingly, I felt at home. The normalcy of Newark and my comfort shocked even myself. Four years ago, on my first trip to New Jersey I was agitated and cold. Now I was joyful… though still a little cold.

A team of 40 CNU students arrived periodically throughout Saturday afternoon. The plan for the weekend consisted of a church service Sunday morning and a New York City trip that afternoon/evening. Then on Monday we would plan for the rest of our stay. We split into two groups: half the team would stay at Trinity and go to the elementary schools from 11:30 to 2:30 to assist teachers. In the afternoons that same group would help run the afterschool program, SHACK.

The other part of the team would be working at a church downtown, by helping with the homeless ministry and doing work projects. Finally, both teams would gather together for a community dinner at Trinity church.

Sunday comes and goes – New York City was, of course, fabulous. One of the interns at the church, Asa, showed a few of us his favorite spots and David and I finally got to eat out favorite brie and turkey sandwiches we experienced over Fall Break once again. I love New York. The End.

Oh the things you'll find in the city.

Onto Monday. This was the team’s planning day. Everyone was signing up for different jobs; some were on worship team, others were in charge of stations the children would rotate though during the after-school program, and some were on a skit team. I sat beside my friend Kelsey, while both of us tried to figure out where we would best be useful.

Well… I’m not one to sing in public. Scratch worship team off the list.

And I’m not a skit-team kind of funny. Scratch.

There was the Bible verse team? I could do that. So Kelsey and I wrote on names on a sheet of paper and volunteered to present the Bible stories and verses daily.

About five minutes later I realized my mistake. Bible verse team? I don’t know ANY bible verses! Present the stories for the week? I only know the basics! I am a failure when it comes to memorizing the Bible. And though I would never say it in the church, the phrase “F my life” rolled through my mind (for those readers who don’t know what that means – don’t worry about it. And don’t Google it).

So I panicked for a brief second. This prompted my internal contradiction for the week: pride vs. low self-esteem. I am always a contradiction; just ask my roommates. I love hanging out with guys, but I love wearing dresses and high heels. Too many chick-flicks makes my head hurt, but give me a musical to watch any day of the week… the list goes on. So this was the newest contradiction.

You see, I know the ropes in NJ. I’ve gone since freshman year! I know which kids will be a problem, how to create some type of order, and who to run to when a fight breaks out. But Bible verses? I had it in my mind that I was not worthy to be teaching these crazy kids what I too was learning.

Desperately searching for things I don't know. Where IS Kings?! Photo by Katelyn James

So here is what I was already discovering on Monday morning:

1) I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. I mean really… I don’t even like kids under six. Nope – my knowledge of what to do in NJ and my love for rambunctious children is totally a “God thing.” And whenever I thought I was the one doing something right, inevitably another something would go horribly wrong.

2) But also - there is no religious resume or selection process in who can learn and teach the Bible. So what if I didn’t know Matthew 19:14? I do now. And believe me, after so much repetition, I practically go to sleep saying that darn verse. It has been memorized for life… as have been the lessons I slowly and stubbornly learn.

Because, as more than one person pointed out to me last week, we are very much so like the children we teach: stubborn and frustrating. God tells us to do something; we go running the other way. I tell Kyasia to “please stop punching” the boy next to her, and she smacks him the head.

But I think we’re both willing to learn ;)

More updates to come…

I Am Not Going to Newark - Spring Break 2010

Year One – 2007

I was going on my first mission trip in college. Not only was freshman year confusing, but for the first time in my life, I really felt homesick. I remember crying one night because Newark was ugly and cold. I was tired and scratched up from playing with children. By the end of the week I had learned a lot, but I didn’t think I would go back. Nope, next year I would go to the beach.

Hawkins Street Elemtary School - Photo by: Katelyn James

Year Two – 2008

Well… I went back to Newark and I remember having a good time. I was really tired, and had lost my voice by the end of the week. My camera had also been smashed (thank goodness for insurance) but the controlled chaos of the after school program we were helping run had kept me excited. Still, I didn’t shower for seven days because the water was like ice, and could never sleep because apparently girls can snore too. I was not going back next year. Nope, I was going to the beach.

Photo by: Katelyn James

Year Three – 2009

Yes, I went back to Newark. I swore I wouldn’t but I did. My camera got smashed (again) but I had a great time. I met a few interns that worked at the church, and I was beginning to really enjoy certain relationships with the children that now spanned three years. But next year was senior year, and I most definitely was going to the beach. Or just somewhere WARM.

Photo by: Katelyn James

Year Four – 2010

I really wasn’t going to Newark this year. I even told my sister, Kathryn not to sign up for the trip because I most certainly was finding something else to do. I deserved it! But alas… my plans were foiled and I could not imagine being anywhere else but Newark for my last Spring Break. I even wanted to go because I missed the ugly place and the disturbing streets and the rambunctious children.

So I went. And I loved it. And I’ll go back.

Within the next week, I will blog about updates from the trip. For those of you who have never read anything about Newark, NJ before, each year 15 to 40 CNU students travel to Trinity Reformed Church, in the Ironbound district of the city. We work in the school systems during the day, and help out with the after school program run by the church each evening. This year we also held community dinners every night, and had a team at another church down the street helping with a homeless ministry.

More to come…after my senior paper is turned in. I just couldn’t resist a little update ;) Click here if you would like to see pictures from this week on The Inspired Design website.

The Things I Wanted To Do

I wanted to write a blog post this week,

something maybe about my Spring Break,

-that would have been sweet.

But instead I was working on my senior sem,

until my brain shut off and became dim.

I wanted to go to the gym this week,

and work off all those coffee drinks

-that would have been sweet.

But instead I was too tired, and laid in my bed,

while my alarm went off, with a pillow to my head.

I wanted to drink a Coke this week,

they are so bubbly and delicious,

-that would have been sweet.

But I gave up fries, chips, and soda for lent.

Oh golly, I don't know where my mind went...

I wanted to do many different things,

and yet, my heart still nervously pangs,

because there is only seven more weeks left at CNU,

so that's about all the complaining I can do.

As you may know or as you may see,

I really, truly am quite happy.

So I won't go to the gym,

and I'll finish my darn senior sem,

and if I could, I would do it all over again.

February in review, because I'm getting sentimental; how 'bout you?

Steph and I in the snow.

Mom and Dad, this pictures for you :)

Hanging out at the condo one random weekend.

Dressed up as the French for the Olympics party

Olympics Party

The Olympic Rings - clever!

New Tattoo.

Joking Mom.

It was "To Write Love On Her Arms Day" (look it up - interesting story) but I just thought it was a good end to the post.

Oh Heart Day

As Valentine’s Day rolls around, I thought to construct a little list to help affirm those of us who will be attending “singles dinners.”

You know you are single on Valentine’s Day when…

1) Your mom says she will be your valentine. She even posts this message on your Facebook wall so you AND the whole world are well aware of your singleness. And you didn’t really care until someone “liked” it.

2) Your friends who are dating someone make sure to remind you that “they love you” and that “Valentine’s Day isn’t really that great.” Thanks guys. But you know it’s not quite the same coming from you as it would be, say… a divorced mother of four. Or even better, Kate Gosselin. She’s worse off.

3) You feel a special connection with all the single people in the world. They are on your side. They understand you. They know you better than those dating folks anyways...

4) You go to a singles dinner with your single friends who sit around and talk about being single. At least the food is always delicious.

5) You never really thought about being single, but you are always reminded of that fact on February 14th. Then, on February 15^th, you will be completely happy with your singleness BECAUSE: A) No gifts had to be exchanged, B) Single dinners are actually kind of fun, and C) you enjoy the mystery and excitement of future possibilities and the adventurous unknown!

Oh and D) you love that your mother, no matter what, will always be your Valentine.

Happy Heart Day. Enjoy it, whether you are single or taken ;)

Disclaimer: I do not hate love, people in love, the color red, hearts, candy, or cupids. Actually I dislike cupids (Naked little children with wings and arrows???). But everything else I most definitely enjoy.

Did quite well this year with the candy supply.

Pictory Procrastination

As we all know, college is great. But there are certain assignments that seem ridiculously and unfathomably dull. Literature reviews fall under this category.

Some sources...

These 7- 13 page prequels to your actual paper are exactly that sort of senior seminar project that makes you kind of want to pull your hair out. You are not writing opinions, you are not writing about your project, and you are certainly not using a creative (or even stimulating) writing style. You are simply scrambling around the library desperately trying to find all the sources you used last semester before another communication major checks out that one book you "really needed" (and an apology to all you fandom people out there... haha J. Gray's book was mine!).

I'm researching Twilight fans for senior seminar, but I didn't want people to think I was on fan sites for hours at a time, just for kicks... so I made a little sign.

I had written a 14 page outline by Saturday, but the actual paper had not been started and Monday's due date was fast approaching. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing to be an over-detailed outliner, but that's just how I work. If it isn't organized, it isn't happening.

Late nights at the Middle House.

And early mornings...

At least she got a little nap?

I could go on about the all-nighter, or the printing fiasco, or the funny things that were said at 4am by my roommates. But instead I would love to tell you about all of the theorists and facts I leaned. Communication research is pivotal to academia, and its all-encompassing nature would be a blog post I'm sure you'd enjoy.

Just kidding. Maybe another time...

Instead, I'll give you a little peek at one of my procrastination tools. There is an online magazine, titled "Pictory." The theme of the website is to collect fascinating pictures + stories for different showcases throughout the year. If you would like to check it out, and procrastinate a little yourself, here is a link to the homepage: http://www.pictorymag.com/

So the bad news:

I stayed up all night for a Lit Review, and I was told the majority of people will get a C or a D on it.

The good news:

I had a blast with my roommates and submit an Ireland picture to the "Local Flavor" category on Pictory. Today I saw that I was accepted! See professors and parents? Procrastination totally pays off.

Of course I haven't quite gotten the grade back for the lit review yet...

The winning picture! To see the full article go to http://www.pictorymag.com/showcases/local-flavor/.

It's number 25.