Thursday’s Things New Yorkers Say

Valentine’s Day brought some interesting characters out all over town, and while I can’t even explain how much sugar I’ve consumed, I can tell you what I’ve heard on the NYC streets.

On the N train on the way to Bloomingdale’s:

“I told you my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas or any of the big holidays – only Valentine’s day!” She says to Him. “But why?” Him asked to She. “Because it’s the day of LOVE!” She practically screams at Him. “Oh duh,” Him replies to She – still slightly confused and defiantly amused.

In line at Dunkin’ Donuts on 30th Ave:

The older gent in front of me is dressed in a baker’s apron and looking thoughtfully at a sign that promises 6 heart doughnuts for $6.99. “I want that please,” he says in Italian/New York/Old Man talk. “We are all out,” says one of the Indian women that I see at least 3 times a week from behind the counter. “You’re all out, ahh yeah? But I need those Valentine’s Day doughnuts…” he scratches his head and looks desperately uncomfortable. “I’m so sorry,” the woman says in her clipped accent, though she has probably seen one to many heart-shaped treats throughout her day.

“What am I gonna do!” The older man paces a little bit, preventing me from even thinking about ordering my coffee. The conversation was apparently not done, and we were obviously all in this together now.

“Will there be more Valentine’s Day doughnuts? I’ve gotta a guy… he really wants them! He wants me to buy them for him… and I think he wants to give them to someone else, see? There’s no more?” he asks.

What is this, the mafia? He’s got a guy who’s got a crazy broad, who’s got a crazy appetite…

“Um… there seem to be three in the back…” the Indian woman says. “Three?!” He replies. “Wait no I can’t have only three… I need all six Valentine’s Day doughnuts,” he resolves. “Well I think we’ll get more at 2 o’clock.” She can barely hold in her smile now.

“2 O’CLCOK! I’ll be back. I’ll be back for the Valentine’s Day doughnuts. I’ll be back.” I’m nodding, the Indian woman is nodding, the crazy Valentine-obsessed doughnut man is smiling and nodding… heck, I’m almost positive the whole line was happy the dude would get his doughnuts for another dude who was consequently giving the doughnuts to someone else.

“Everyone is crazy,” the Indian woman says to me. “We have been through over 200 heart-shaped doughnuts!” “Oh my gosh…really?” I respond. She continues to bob her head up and down. “Yes, yes. When will it end?!”

“Ha… probably tomorrow,” I say.

I hope that man got his doughnuts.


And speaking of Valentine's Day, look what my complication on Facebook sent me at Martha Stewart! Quite a fabulous little book that will hopefully one day explain our five year relationship of complexities. Haha thanks again Steve! It was a hilarious surprise, particularly when people working around me asked to see what I'd ordered...