It’s been a week since I’ve worn makeup.
I just lugged my suitcase up three flights of stairs in the
sudden summer heat. High heels are strewn across my room and work clothes
haphazardly rest in a laundry basket, both unused and untouched for over seven days.
It seems while I was on vacation the seasons changed rapidly, and the fan is
already blasting as I sit in my beach clothes typing this post.
There is also sand in my luggage, scattering on the floor
and making its presence known as I unpack. The more clothing I pull out, the
more of St. Augustine flies from my bags and finds itself in New York. But the
more clothing I pull out, the more I want to place it right back where it was,
sand included, and head once again to the beach.
The email thread to organize this trip began in September of
last year and made me smile every time a new response popped up in my inbox.
“Because reunions are fun” was the subject line, circulating to a group of
people that was narrowed down through the passing months. We are busy, we have
other endeavors, and we grow apart. But somehow, 160 some emails later, 14 of
us made it to St. Augustine for a Memorial Day vacation because, you know,
“reunions are fun.”
We came from all over, most driving through the night,
making the 10 to 12 hour journey with a hint of giddiness. Raleigh, South of
the Border, Savannah, Florida state lines; they all whizzed by in a blur as our
headlights pierced increasingly dark skies. By 3am, my car mates and I were tucked into bed
but too excited to sleep. College friends, together again – it was as though
the last two years hadn’t occurred and I’d picked up right where I’d left off.
Of course, the last two years have taken place and affected us all. But there is a certain bittersweet
comfort to being surrounded by what you once knew, yet no longer possess. Your
perspective has broadened or morphed, and still what you’ve owned in a previous
time is appealing – which affirms what you’ve had all along is real, and true,
and genuine.
My community of friends from college was more far reaching
than those just on this trip. Still, the last few days were a reminder of where
I’m from, how we’ve evolved, and what I acutely miss. “Do you love New York?”
“Was the first year hard?” “Are you ever lonely?” “Do you still love Virginia?”
Yes… yes, a thousand times yes. You must know the answer to each of those
questions is a resounding “yes.” The truth is this: New York can be a tough
pill to swallow, but I expect nothing less from myself. You know as well as I do
that I wouldn’t be happy back at home yet, though Virginia will always be just
that.
But every laugh was a temptation; every new story was a
lure. I do deeply long for my college community, and wish I could transplant
each one of them amongst the boroughs of New York.
Because, you see, I’ll never have to wear makeup with them.
They don’t care if I’m unemployed, or have a bad hair day, or occasionally act
like an idiot. They’ve seen me at my worst and maybe my best, yet their loyalty
rarely wavers. I have friends like this in New York too, but to glimpse all of
these people from my past in one place, at one time… it was nothing short of
sheer delight. I woke up early and was often the last to sleep, manic with the
need to inhale every conversation and observation.
So yes, this weekend was restful because of the sunny beach,
poolside drinks, and delicious homemade dinners. But it was also relaxing
because I wasn’t anything except what I’ve always been, with no expectation or
false pretense.
Still as I drove back into the city today, my heart skipped
a beat (as it always does) when New York first came into view. My town, my
lovely little town, was already drowning in summertime heat, buzzing, ready for
me and every other nonsensical hopeful. People were out milling around,
talking, walking, being, and I longed to once again be with them.
I needed this vacation to remember much – including why I
came to New York in the first place. My community from home prepared me for
something thrillingly challenging, and while they go off and tackle their own
aspirations, as will I.
In fact, starting tomorrow I shall be working at the
Huffington Post, writing for their “Tech” column about technology and social
media. I was incredibly lucky to receive this offer the day I left for Florida, and
am extremely excited for such an opportunity.
So the seasons change once again, leading us blindly into
whatever is next with only the faith from our past and an innate idealism for
our potential guiding us in shaky, yet confident steps.
With this knowledge, I also need to find my makeup for tomorrow…
as well as some clean
clothes.
Hebrews 10: 24-25
