Thursday's Things New Yorkers Say

Sorry guys; it was kind of a headphones week with exams and such, but I did catch a few things. Here is what I saw and heard on the streets of NYC this week…

Woman near Bryant Park on 42^nd street, standing in the middle of the road.

“NO!!! NO! NO!,” she screams at a bus and then puts her hands on the glass doors. “NO, YOU’VE GOTTA LET ME IN. PLEASE LET ME IN!!!” She is probably 5’10’’ and wears a business outfit. The bus isn’t letting her in, and moves up slightly. “NO, NO, NO!” She is the definition of “frantic.” “PLEASE LET ME IN!! PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO.” The light changes and the bus to the ferry begins to accelerate. The woman throws both hands in the air and screams like she was actually run over by the bus, “NOOOOO!!!!!”

All this, just trying to get to school. Honestly though, I’ve never heard someone scream like that in public that wasn’t on a rollercoaster. The best part was that every pedestrian was starring at her as she ran out of the street. Then she noticed us (like she thought she was being discreet!?). We had all been rooted to the ground, and then suddenly in quite a hurry.

Subway announcer upon arriving in Queens on the 7 Train.

“Weeeelcome to Queens, Long Island City!” he says with a staccato that reminds me of a basketball announcer as we leave the tunnel connecting Manhattan and my home. “Pa-leas remember that the holiday season also meeeeeans…. Pick-pocketing season!” He now sounds like an auctioneer. “That’s right folks, keep your belonging near you at-all-times and pa-lease keep your hands in your pockets! This is the time for pick-pocketers. I repeat, keep your hands in your pockets. Once again, have a happy holiday season and know where your belongings are at-all-times! This is Queens, NY… Queensborogh Plaza, next stop.“ The man talks for about 70 seconds longer than any MTA announcer I’ve ever heard in my life.

Random homeless man: “Shut up!!”

Um, should I be offended that announcer first welcomes the train to Queens, and then immediately goes into a pick-pocking sermon? Humph.

The best sisters ever sent stocking with candy to me and my roommate. The best dad ever sent me the Carpenter's Christmas album so I could get in the spirit (because it is the ONLY true Fitzgerald Christmas CD). And the best mom ever is visiting on Tuesday ;)

The Cycle of a Late Night

7pm

Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, CNN

Check all your websites before you begin.

8pm

You’re doing fine.

Just going to have coffee instead of wine.

9pm

You’re on a roll.

Not doing too bad on the whole!

10pm

Eating, drinking, munching, munching.

Going strong with projects and number crunching.

11pm

For the first time, you feel a little stiff…

Maybe you just need a tiny lift.

12am

Now you are really quite restless,

But the first paper was completely effortless.

1am

On to project number two,

If you’re up past 4, what are you doing to do?

2am

Adrenaline starts to really kick in,

And you drink so much coffee, that your head will spin.

3am

The clock surely can’t be right?

ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO BE UP ALL NIGHT!?

4am

Doing final edits, and you’re…

almost…

done.

Come on now, wasn’t that kind of fun?

You Know You Are a Poor Student Living in New York When…

* You are a vegetarian… but not by choice. Meat’s just too expensive. Or you shop at places with skeptical meat options (yes, that’s you C-Town).

The basics. I can cook, but making a meal for 1 under $5 is a little more difficult than "boil water," or "add salt for seasoning."

* Unlimited subway passes are gold. Losing this may be worse than losing your debit card.

* You eat slowly… verrrry slowly.

* You probably live in a place where you have no control over the heat. It’s either “on” or “off” so it’s either sweltering or it’s freezing.

* Milk is a luxury.

* You still get care packages from mommy and daddy, which often include food they know you won’t buy – like Oreos. Because, once again, that is a luxury.

A care package and the ol' heater.

* You definitely don’t have cable – thank goodness for Hulu.

*Light on, light off. When one person’s home, no two lights need be on at the same time.

* Meals often include pasta, eggs, peanut butter, potatoes, or bread. And bagels, of course. No, that is not a luxury! There are differences between what you want and what you need. Bagels are a necessity.

* You have also been known to eat chickpeas out of a can because they have iron and give you energy.

Energy for less than two dollars! Side effects may include high blood pressure from sodium intake, and is sometimes fatal. See back for details.

* And since you are a student, you will probably splurge on coffee. But forget those fancy Starbucks drinks. Practice saying “Tall Pike Place please” (cheapest Starbucks drink at 1.80 something). Better yet, get hooked on Dunkin’ Doughnuts.

* Stay away from 5^th Avenue shops if you have an itch to buy. Actually, just wear a blindfold.

* No – no taxies for you.

* Wear your tights and leggings until the die – literally. And then when you look like a cartoon character with holes in your stockings, keep waiting until Christmas to replenish.

Hum. That's just wrong.

*Also wait till Christmas to receive any expensive items. Example: coat, boots, Clinique makeup.

* Base all grocery purchases on the “2 for 1” deals, even if you don’t really love the food. Consider food stamps because some of your actor friends use them. Then un-consider food stamps because some jobs ask if you've ever used them. Possibility for extreme awkwardness.

* Know that Bryant Park has free ice-skating and that Rockefeller Center is $30+.

*Figure out innovative ways to fix broken appliances.

The coffeemaker that did not close now does with the help of my little leopard friend here. Notice it says, "I don't do morning." Got to be a favorite mug.

* Ask every business if there is a “student discount.”

* Get to know the friendly cockroaches in the neighborhood. They’ll stop by and say “hey” every now and then.

* Go to work during the day, class at night, and then see if you can throw an internship into the mix.

* Accept the fact that you live in New York City and you love it.

Thursday's Things New Yorkers Say: Holiday

I regret that it has been a few weeks since TTNYS with Thanksgiving and projects and such, but here we go again. These are a few things you might hear a New Yorker say…

Walking in the Union Square Christmas Market

“So I text him and I’m all like, ‘Hey baby’ you know, trying to be like all sexy, and then he says, ‘Hey baby. I’m so excited to see you… I’m blushing.’ Whaaat?!” She screams to her friend who is laughing so hard there are tears rolling down her face. “Whaaaat!” the woman screams again. “You’re blushing? What the heck? Were we not just talking about men never having emotions? Ha...well... maybe sometimes that’s fine.” They are both laughing so hard now, the story comes to a standstill.

I’m sure there is some sort of feminist communication studies project buried in there somewhere…

In the dress department of a store the weekend of Black Friday

Mother to daughter in extremely terse words: “Sorry I don’t care about if someone has seen a dress I’m wearing before, ON FACEBOOK.” Crazy daughter to angry mother: “Mom!” she screams, and then says in a normal tone, “I’m walking out.” Grabbing her bag she leaves the dress, and her mom follows chanting a verse that was stuck in my head all day. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare. Don’t you DARE. Don’t you dare.” Over an over again.

Yes. She would dare. But a word of advice woman… LET HER GO. She’s only going to get to about 5^th Avenue before she realizes she needs your credit card again.

After the Macy’s Day parade, near Central Park West

A mother with her kid to another woman: “We had to miss Santa Claus because so and so had to pee!”

Okay, hold up. Were you at the parade to see Santa, or did you come so that you kid could see Santa? Either way (and yes, there is a right answer to that last question), it is NOT OKAY to call your kid “so and so!” He's just sitting there, looking at you, thinking "Wow she loves Santa so much she forget my name." Kids probably shouldn't think that. I bet he's going to have a Santa complex and really relate to the song "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

Oh people. You just make me laugh.

But Will It Sell?

Based on current pop-culture, trends, economic climate, and events from around the world, I need to come up with a book proposal for class that I think will sell, sell, sell. And you’re going to help me.

Now consider what you have seen other people reading (in the subway, on the bus, on the beach, around your school, etc.) and combine that with what you see happening in the next year across the globe. I need something trendy, profitable, and relevant.

Here is a list of a few options I can choose from:

1) Young Adult book based off of a Greek myth. She’ll probably fall in love and he’ll probably save her. Predictable… but will it sell?

2) A bodybuilding book by a semi-famous bodybuilder. Not my cup of tea, but there is certainly a niche market… would it sell?

3) A three-book deal with famous chefs who first penned “Now Eat This!” I guess the question is, how well did the first book do? And again, will these become part of a series and sell?

4) A blog turned book about how a baby looks when sleeping. Yeah… no, not for me either. But the pictures are good, and she has a large blog following. Plus mother’s seem to stick together… so would this book sell?

5) A well known and award winning author/professor pens a novel about the West and werewolves. Vampires have already come and gone, so this may be a smart move on his part… so will it sell?

6) A family medical drama from a well-known author… not a lot on this one, except for I assume that both previous books have sold well…so will this one?

7) Book about a southern belle who moves to NYC and charms her way to the top. Despite the obvious connections to this novel, it has the potential to be real cheese… but will people buy cheese? Usually.

8) A Russian war novel that seems very Cold Mountain… but hey, that did well. So will this story?

9) A novel about Alice in Wonderland, except more grownup. This author is previously published, and this book would be another historical fiction… but how will it sell?

10) A psychological suspense about a murder investigation and interesting, insomniac sleuth… will the book be a sleeper or a success?

Which do YOU like and which do you hate? Vote in the poll below and feel free to leave a comment about why one book would beat out another. If you are a bit indecisive, you can vote for your top two choices.

*Editor’s Note: I already know which book I’m leaning towards… and that will be revealed at a later date! But I want to know the mass opinion to see which audience I am geared towards… or if I’m just way off ;) *

A New York Thanksgiving

We were walking down a road on the Upper West Side towards breakfast.

“Ah the warm glow of the ever-open Dunkin’ Doughnuts…” I said to Ivy, a friend from school and fellow Pub Club member. Suddenly a woman interrupts me, looking slightly scared and waving her hands franticly.

“The baker didn’t show up! We closed!” she continued with hesitation, like I might take a whack at her face (which may or may not have been considered…).

“Closed?!” we both say back to the poor girl who was working the 5am shift on Thanksgiving.

“Yeah, there no doughnuts. We can’t open!”

“But what about the coffee fairy?” I asked, still slightly delusional at this unheard of hour in the morning. There was always coffee, right? I mean, black, steamy deliciousness usually just magically appeared each time I walked into a Dunkin' Doughnuts. There were mountains of coffee beans in the store room - that I was sure of - unless... Could the baker possibly and stolen the blessed beans? That is a crime punishable by death.

She sort of laughed at me, probably relieved to know that I wasn’t going to hit her. But now there really was a dilemma: we needed caffeine – and fast – because we had woken up at a ridiculous hour to attend the annual Macy’s Day Parade. And the crowds had to be beat.

After searching a few street corners and locating a random deli, Ivy and I partook in a healthy meal of muffins and soda, only costing us about $3 each. Oh to be graduate students in the city! Quite a glamorous lifestyle, my friends.

But it was fabulous to line up along Central Park West and watch the floats pass by us in real life, not just on television. It was crowded, but we had our tactics to finding the ideal location.

“Pardon me, excuse me,” we said to strange individuals who stopped at the most bizarre viewing points. I assume they didn’t realize more space was available ahead, but to get through to breathing room we had to squeeze by some pleasant and some not-so-pleasant people.

“Dad… dad wait up!” Ivy repeated this phrase several times to the large man who was in front of us, clearing a path. We didn’t know him in the slightest, but no one was going to yell at the two daughters of a 350-pound man.

Haha... sneaky.

“Dad, where’s mom?” I ask. “Dad, I’ve got Jimmy’s balloon.” “Dad, it’s so hard to get through the crowd.”

Dad, Dad, Dad. Thank goodness the man never turned around or looked at us curiously. We would have just laughed, and possibly said something along the lines of “Hey Dad (wink wink)… keep going!”

Finally we reached a spot with less people and a stoop where we could stand to better view the parade. It was an ideal location and right beside the Dakota, where John Lennon was shot and Yoko Ono lives to this day. Occasionally we would look for her through the top floor windows, but of course the main events were Tom the Turkey, Snoopy, Kanye West, and Santa.

So Happy Belated Turkey Day, and check #56 off “The List.”

The man of the hour, Mr. Santa Claus

Kanye West

Joan Rivers

Jessica Simpson

Trend Spotting 2010

There are a few fashion and lifestyle trends I’ve noticed when walking the streets of NYC. Whether it’s a person strutting their stuff in Soho, random subway commuters, or an Astorian hipster, people definitely try to achieve a certain look. Fashion, food, books, movies and more are constantly balancing between being “in” or “out.” So here’s a list of a few things I’ve noticed happening around town.

1) Leg Warmers/knee socks – Everywhere I go, some girl has her leg warmers or socks pulled outside of her boots. I’m not even going to deny that I’m totally going to follow this trend. As soon as I get some boots, I’ll also get some awesome socks– they look SO darn warm. Summer’s parallel trend: neon tights.

2) Lil’ Baby Cupcakes – I can’t even tell you how many bite-size cupcakes are being sold everywhere. From street carts to bakeries, the baby cupcakes seem to have attacked the city. But are these yummy assailants worth a buck or two? Meh, depends on how hungry you are. Summer’s parallel trend: lil’ baby cartons of coconut juice.

3) Knit everything – It’s getting cold. November has been relatively mild, but let’s face it New York – you have bitter winters. So I’m not particularly upset with the chunky knit sweaters, hats, and gloves. But I really love those fingerless gloves, with attachable mitten coverings. All the better to text with, my dears. Summer’s parallel trend: Ray-Band everything.

4) Boston Terriers – A friend just got one. A neighbor just got one. I can’t go into Urban Outfitters without seeing these puppies all over notebooks or as random figurines. There everywhere – and have maybe formed an alliance with the lil’ baby cupcakes to take over NYC? Summer’s parallel trend: Owls – I don’t know why every wanna-be-hipster has an owl necklace.

5) Mustaches – This summer was the season of the beard, which is a little strange since personally in summer I would like to shave off all of my hair. Never the less, that seems to have gotten old, because now I’m seeing some crazy mustaches. Thus many men look 1980s chic – or like pedophiles. You chose.

Other random trends: bedazzled headbands, holiday sequins clothing, Harry Potter reminiscences, Kanye West, and bad upcoming super hero movies.

*Note: Editor does not agree with or condone all above trends.*

A Random House Party - Part 2

So I was like,

bittyfitz (Britney Fitzgerald) "@mauzaid sorry for the tweet spam, but one last question. r u going 2 the event tomorrow? i dont even know if i can afford it"

and then he was like,

mauzaid (Mauricio) "@bittyfitz Ah I know, but i really want too, looks awesome and we’ll get to meet A LOT of people we SHOULD meet! I don’t wanna go alone!"

and then I was like… duh, I’m definitely going and I don’t even know why it was a question. Com’on Brit. Get with it.

After we had spoken to Becca on the 6 train (click her for previous story) and been invited to a Random House cocktail party, we realized this was simply an offer that couldn’t be refused. Drinks, food, books… what more could inexpert “publishers” ask for?

Our party of industry amateurs consisted of Mauricio, Claire, and I from Pace University’s graduate publishing program, and my friend Laurie, who is an avid book lover interested in the field of marketing. After much tweeting, texting, emailing, and facebooking we were finally able to assemble at 7pm in the Random House lobby.

Welcome to 1745 Broadway, New York, NY.

Working all day in heels and rushing through Soho to get uptown in time, I could only hope that my hair wasn’t a mess and my caffeine wasn’t fleeting (I know you don’t care if my hair was a mess or not – but in the moment I did, and I’m giving you a sneak peak into my psyche so the full effects of “thrilled” and “excited” can be noted).

The party was intended for young professionals in publishing, most being under 30. Because the National Book Awards were taking place in New York that evening, bosses were attending that function while the younger employers were gathering for the Random House “House Party.” A metaphor for this event might even be: “while the parents are away, the kids will play.”

So play we did.

Our merry group of misfits met several employees from other publishing companies, including Simon and Shuster, Doubleday, and Viking. One girl even told us we had more guts that she did, “coming to an event like this as students.” Her comment was a tiny bit funny because we didn’t really realize we would be the ONLY students attending the party, but of course this just made the evening all the more exciting – and no one seemed to mind our lack of experience.

By the end of the night, I was holding a Brooklyn Lager and overlooking the streets of Manhattan through a wall of glass. My friends were to my side, and the National Book Awards were being projected onto screens behind me. But I was having a moment. Staring into the distant lights of Times Square, I couldn’t help but smile to myself, taking mental pictures of the atmosphere panning out all around.

It was one of those moments – you’ve had them before – where you feel yourself stepping back and watching life, almost like an intriguing movie or television show. You’re there, living and breathing in every detail, yet you can be removed from the situation and analyze - almost retrospectively but “in the moment” at the same time.

And then you wonder, “what’s going to happen next?” But as soon as you think this, there's a sudden snap! You’re displaced from the film version of life you've just been watching and the real world speeds up around you, leaving one to ponder if they were ever really reflective in the first place? Or was that simply another trick of the mind…

NYC. Random House. Cocktails. Books. Friends.

It was quite a moment.

All pictures belong to Guest of a Guest and can be found at this website.